So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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