I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
