Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
