Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
