i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
