Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
