I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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