I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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