Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
