I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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