Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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