he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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