Your mouth is God's brothel.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I understand Curling. That high.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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