I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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