how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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