You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
