waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
