I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
