All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
