You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
