fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Houston, we have a blender
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
