i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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