he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
