he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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