i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
