this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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