maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
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I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
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Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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