2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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