first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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