Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
