I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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