no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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