You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
