you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
