I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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