I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
