he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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