If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
