He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You're like the curious george of whores
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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