Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
