YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
one might say we're banned from that church
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Panties = found
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
