Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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