In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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