I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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