My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
