Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
