He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
