i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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