Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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