i just had sex bonerless
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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