I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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