Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Randomize
