I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
