i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
