I looked at my own cervix.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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