four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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