Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
