her vagine was all disorganized.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
