Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
