Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
