you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the day after is always just damage control
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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