Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
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Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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