One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
